Continued closure...

Received this amazingly thoughtful and priceless gift last week...

Dear Mommy, Daddy, and Big Sis,
In the next couple of weeks you will receive a baby version of the plant shown in the picture enclosed. Please plant it in memory of me. Just as you have already begun rooting my sister's life in faith and love, you will do the same for me. And in the years to come, through your nurturing and love, I will provide our friends and family with a peaceful place of rest, as will my sister.
I loved you all since the moment you decided to bring me into our family, and I hope that you will celebrate my eternal life with our Lord.
Love,
Your Baby in Heaven

I'm learning that there will never be complete closure. I don't want there to be. I don't want to forget. I don't want to stop learning and growing. GROWING...yea, that's a good word. We all should be growing...along with our new gift.

Today...and tomorrow...

Today I feel fine physically.
Today I realized I am now a part of a new group of people.
Today I wondered if I should name this/that baby.
Today was ok.
Today was a new day for a slightly new normal.
Today I held Reagan longer.
Today I felt loved by many.
Today I had seriously authentic conversations with people I hadn't spoken with in years.
Today I feel honored to be used.
Today I discovered more about myself.
Today I was encouraged.
Today I cried.
Today is coming to an end.

Tomorrow will be a new day.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Tomorrow will be a gift.

Tomorrow will mean drinking 32 ounces of water at 7 a.m.!

Tomorrow will bring more lab work and an ultrasound.

Tomorrow will be very telling.

Tomorrow will be another step forward.

Tomorrow God will pick up where I slack.

Tomorrow His truth will be the same.

Baby #2

We're ok. Yes, we lost our baby yesterday...at 7.5 weeks. We know where our baby is now....whole, healthy, complete. I know who holds the future and I have such peace in that. No fear and no worries. I have been in no physical discomfort or pain which I am grateful for. Time will tell...more testing tomorrow.

We know this is part of his plan and we are ok with it. Once again, Jonathan and I might plan and control until we are blue in the face, but this is a prime example that we are not in control. I am grateful for this too! This will only make us stronger individually and in our marriage. I am excited for the growth that I know will come from this. He is just so faithful.

Thanks for the prayers.

So that's it...

...it's over.

Yes, I was pregnant with our second child and now I am no longer pregnant.

I realized today that I have to share THIS news with you since I shared THAT news with you.

Today we lost our baby....at 7.5 weeks.

Truth I will cling to today....God has a plan and he is still in control. He knows the desires of my
heart. I believe that this is God protecting us from something more difficult later. I do not need to understand it all. I have peace about this.

That's all I have for today.