The Night Before

It’s the night before Rea’s first day of preschool. I am just all a mess inside. I am nauseous and still in denial. I’ve busied myself with 100 things, so I didn’t have to totally face it.

My deal in a nutshell…

• I have complete peace that she is at the right school. I am very confident about this.
• I believe her year with her teacher (Ms. Kim) is a divine appointment. God knew who Rea needed and who needed my Rea. (Note: This is still slightly a faith statement because my expectations are very high.)
• My nausea is not because I will be away from her 3 hours a day. I pay people all the time so I can go do other things.
• Tomorrow’s events feel like I’m dropping a brick on the gas pedal of life. It’s only going to get faster from here.
• My deal…surprise, surprise….is a control issue! I want to be the one to discipline her and to protect her. If someone is going to mess her up, then I want it to be me because at least I messed her up with the very best intentions. Warning: Horrible, self-righteous, conceited, unloving comment ahead….People in our society are a MESS and as a result, so are their offspring. I have my own mess I’m putting on her and now I have to throw my impressionable big, baby girl in a small room with all the extra mess EVERY DAY. Even though she doesn’t think so, she is so vulnerable. Up to this point, there have been very few people in her life that had the influence or time with her to create “life wounds”.

To summarize the summary…

It feels like I’m throwing my baby to the wolves!!!!!!!!!  This doesn’t seem natural. Sending my child off to be educated by a stranger?

Here she is after we read a poem from her teacher about putting confetti under your pillow to help you fall asleep quickly the night before school starts. See the confetti…

I must end here before I change my mind about sending her tomorrow.  

Disclaimer: Many of the above statements are not Biblical and do not reflect one fully trusting in God.